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dark love by Remi Bertoche

Big wave surfing is our karmic “call of the wild,” as big water reefs are aeons old and read by waves like ancient stone tablets. When conditions come together with big swell and deep water waves, it is a near religious experience. As such, we undergo a karmic shift that moves symbolic underwater boulders while we wait between sets for what seems like aeons. We can almost touch the manna, as our “deep water” connection brings us closer to surfing’s Holy Grail. Cathedral walls rise up and out from the clean open ocean wilderness to create moving mountains of water as rolling thunder, forming towering white crests, ever above and seemingly always just behind, which become one falling avalanche after another. “Go big, or go home.” The din on distant reefs is prologue to our surf drama theatre. “To paddle out or not to paddle out?” H30 is heavy water as surging rapids and rivers of whitewater greet the Unknown Surfer on our anonymous paddle out. “Big Wednesday” will max out your quiver and test elephant gun or rhino chaser in our quest of the fateful, but beguiling, “bluebirds” and “bombies.” On takeoff we must negotiate the volume of water rushing up the wave face and overcome surface friction once upright. Our bottom turn sets up the awesome surf as we enter upon the unridden realm. There is a rumble on the reef as our death wish wave brings more intensity than we expected. Yet big wave surfriders exercise patience and pay attention. As surfing matador we take our chances, and our wave medicine, and ride on God’s wave, “in God’s hands,” and are truly free and “with it.” We are full of wonder and awe as our coming of age is an instance of ecstasy and deep enlightenment. Our breath bellows as our deep unconscious rumbles out from under a “silence like you’ve never heard” before. Midwinter mountaintops of massive manna are the real thing and lay barren barometer of where you’re at and how far you’ve come. Within the maelstrom and madness we hope to leave behind, lives an otherworldly experience. Hardy souls with steeled nerves sit undaunted in silence and solitariness, hoping to get answers by answering to the monsters within. Herein lies the proving ground and acid test, a final outcome for our silent troupe. We sit quiet and still, as the ocean somehow begets a softness upon us from her intensity. She liberates our soul. Our spiritual experience is more an oversoul experience of sorts, a learned respect for something that is much bigger and stronger than are we. A culmination and coming together of life’s experience, wave force is nonjudgmental and is precursor to a preternatural deepening of the ineffable enormousness of what is truly majestic. Mountains of water give us strength, as our spiritual growth joins with resolve, and we begin the process of overcoming our fear and experiencing the vitality of life. “Deeds, not words,” is our creed, knowing that “life is for living,” and that we will soon cherish the visceral thrill of it all. Our moment has come. Revelation and resolution follow shortly with a heightened vigilance and awareness intrinsic remainders from the heightened experience. The rite of passage perhaps signals an end to teen angst and pubescence, an initiation ceremony of sorts, and baptism into manhood, a deep spiritual connection for the perceived wildman, with an heretofore untamed wilderness. The waiting period is over. Attitude wanes, and is replaced by a heartfelt relationship that is understood by a tribe, not flashy, but dedicated to the completion and fulfillment of our karma yoga of surfing.

Still, we draw our line carefully. We know that “truth and fiction will collide,” and that the “agony of defeat” snuffs out fleeting hopes and memories, only adding to our karmic burden. Do you have it in you? Bad speculation leaves us as spectator, left with broken boards and dreams. The surf mortal must reflect on the consequences before paddling out. Do you question yourself? Am I the “unforgiven” if I don’t go, and yet don’t many a one reach the summit only to plummet? The day of reckoning lends itself to reluctance and hesitation. I shiver as my heart pounds and adrenaline races, as I tend to reevaluate my reckless abandon, and find my fear of self denial a bit premature. This time of reckoning can be forum for a darkness within, as the sublime sky belies an inner tension. Are you a little psycho, or feeling on the verge of engulfment? Inner intensity is the trait of a wildman. Are you a high roller or will you get rolled? An undecided outcome makes for “suspense theatre,” and takes over your body, giving rise to viscious chimeras within, poised for your “judgment day.” Who’s riding who? Thoughts of violence and terror put you up against your threshold of fear. Are you experienced, or have you shunned your responsibilities? You cannot be scattered or own an unfelt connection. Do you sit too far outside, afraid you’ll be picked off, or are you a cherry picker who sits inside on the shoulder or off in the channel, fearful of getting pummelled in the pit? “Hairballs” are gonna get drubbed, pitched, slammed, launched, and come close to a near death experience. “There is no tomorrow.” The time has come. The shackles are off, but yet you are unsure. Tethered to an egotistical stalemate, you are left between feeling obligated and needing to justify your self worth. Beyond austere, you can’t fathom the possible, and instead believe in bad karma and false promise. You know you got what was yours.

the blue day by Remi Bertoche

The only way to truly know truth is thru first hand experience… your experience. Pull the karmic trigger. The moment of truth neccesitates clarity. Open all channels. Balance your karmic accounts. Determined movement leaves no allowance for hesitation. Consolidate your six senses and all ethereal resources. Know that your inner resources are there. Make amends. An internal balancing act leaves you freed from an inner standoff. Remember, you wouldn’t be out there without that sense of trust, of deep knowing. What is yours will come to you. Know your spot, in the lineup. Expose your inner realms by physical exploits. Sitting giddy atop the summit is the moment you’ve been waiting for. Test your karma. Dig deep. Make a commitment and go. You’re in for high adventure. Many are called, few choose to answer. It’s a chance in a lifetime. Take Xcalibur from sheath and rise above your mundane concerns. Be discriminating. Remain emotionally centered. Test to see your full potential realized, especially if you haven’t been able to apply your full self previously. Accept all outcomes. Symbolic of inner challenges, your ride transcends turmoil within when successfully negotiated. Bring into life what is real.

pure blue by Remi Bertoche

What in your life remains unridden? What is your karma? The waves can and will tell you. Big wave surfing answers questions. Know how you face big challenges in life. Are you a decision maker? Seek out proper guidance. Taboo or bugaboo? A humbling experience is not to be taken as judgment, but as a signpost along the way. A bad day of surfing is better than a good day at work. Tune in to your altered state. Know your karma. Be still and gauge your direction. You’ve lived through your catalytic experience, and now ready yourself raw as surfing wildman, poised for your soon-to-be crowning achievement, as a great day of surfing leaves all flat spells forgotten and forgiven, and makes life all the more worthwhile. Beyond beach, I see the bigger picture. You have arrived. You have a new pastime, and new vantage point. Your milestone is a lifechanging event. You can take it with you forever. Deep ruminations lay fodder for future wise decisions. Deepen your love and respect for your life… breath. Great peace follows.

illustration Remi Bertoche